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This is my first post in my new blog. This blog will focus on my daily thoughts and feelings as I live my life with an autism spectrum disorder. For much of my life I have focused on being normal and fitting in. While that has helped me socially in a lot of ways, I realize that some of my bad habits (smoking and overeating to name two) are due to the stress of trying to fit in and adapt to a world that just isn't made for people like me.

I titled this Not an Inspiration because I truly believe Inspiration Porn exists in our society and it affects people with disabilities. It lowers the standards for us, and allows people to discriminate against us by not allowing us in all aspects of society. Even though I consider myself mildly affected by Asperger Syndrome because of how I present, inside I deal with stuff everyday. So, I consider myself part of the disability demographic.

Another thing I deal with is whether or not I should consider it a disability. Many autism advocates say it isn't a disability. I can agree with that. I feel that most of my issues stem from how I am treated or my perception of other's perceptions of me. There are some that relate to executive dysfunction and disorganization which have nothing to do with other people. But those don't cause me depression. My issues with people do cause me to feel depressed sometimes. Basically, I am still trying to figure out if this is a disability to me. I don't want to use ableist language and alienate individuals who present differently than I do, but I am still learning. If I say something that alienates or offends, please gently let me know so I can correct it, or at least have my eyes opened.

Here is a list of things about me:

Age: 33
Birthdate: 11/14/83
Core Type: Organizer Commander (Choleric Melancholy)
Dislikes: Hypocrisy, Inequality, Inspiration Porn, Onions, Mushrooms, Fiber cuts, unannounced maintenances
Excuses I use: Too tired, not feeling well, I forgot, I'm afraid to fail, that person pissed me off
Fears: Mice, Rats, Venemous Snakes, Losing my job, hurting someone, not being liked, being found out
Goals for the year: get down below 300 again, start and keep a 3x week workout routine, find a different job, get my CCNP, learn  how to use my MAC book, journal consistently, make a list for self-care and keep it up, go to China

H- Z will happen in a later post. I'm currently at work and we have a huge outage. It seems like another IT company that shall not be named decided to cut a bunch of cables and not tell us. Bastards.